I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
