If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
