Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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