just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
either way he was missing a nipple.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
