dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
