Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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