Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
