Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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