ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
