3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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