No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is my gift to your gina
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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