he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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