seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
