i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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