I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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