The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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