Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I am midnight drunk by noon
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
