Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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