hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
