I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
