I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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