the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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