I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
