I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
