theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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