I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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