i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
