So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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