I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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