Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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