Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
