This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
