toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
