Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
