You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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