Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
