dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
