yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
