I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize