Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
