Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
