so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
