i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
