Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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