I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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