the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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