Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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