I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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