the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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