hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
