You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
