he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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