whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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