Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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