Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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