My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
