Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
