I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
